Growing up?

It literally took me 30mi s this morning to find a pair of pants that fit me. Maybe I am growing up.

Random P-log

Don’t you just love the color contrast between the sky and grey house exterior and the flowering tree?  I think this picture is absolutely gorgeous, if I may say so myself. 

 

Sometimes I like to pretend that I am a professional photographer :P

Eeww?

I have been sick for the past few days - recurring strep with viral infection. I could barely swallow my own saliva without yelping in pain. My throat hurted so bad I couldn't really breathe. So in the middle of the night I popped a ricola to soothe my throat. I woke up this morning found a huge hunk of my hair stuck together. I felt around and realized that hey it's my ricola! I guess it fell put of my mouth. So I tried to untangle my hair, twisted and turned and finally freed that lozenge from the captive of my hair. I slowly peeled away a few stray strands and popped it back in my mouth. Ahh.. Lozenge never tasted so good. U ties my sticky hair in a bun and off I started to day with a cocktail of medicines - still off work today and will be seeing a specialist soon. Yay!

Self Awareness

As I hit the first year of my 30’s I realized that I am at the verge of complete losing grip of who I am, where I came from and why I am here.  I have lost the idea, the key purpose of me being in this world and I constantly find myself asking this question, “what is the point of me being alive in this world?”

Over and over again I tell myself to have a time-out to re-gather my thoughts, hold my mind together, but I guess the fear of failing, the fear of not being able to achieve the goal I am about to set for myself, prevents me from giving myself a tiny moment in a day to have some alone time, some healing time.

I have been running away from my fear of unable to control my mind and in return, I have been letting my mind run free, I have been giving my mind the full authority of controlling me, controlling my life. It has gotten to a point where it is either I take this power back once and for all, or continue let this unknown drag me around the rest of my life!

I have a feeling I am almost there. I think I am slowly picking the lock on this door... that will eventually set me free....

I am still here

Yes, surprise!!!!

What??!

I am not a child and I don't appreciate to be treated as one. Why does everything a 30-year-old do requires permission from other people? You think you are old enough yet you are powerless. You have no say in your life.

I am not a child!!

Lost and Found?

Apparently I posted something about Shark Bait Ooh Ha Ha last week and I have absolutely no recollection of that happening whatsoever. 

I have been lost.  I’d attempted to overdose multiple times since the last I blogged.  God did not take me.  I am sure someday God will.  I am so damn sure that God will take me the moment I realize that life is worth living and I want to go on… because I think God loves joking around with me and see how long I am going to hang in there.

Guess what, though?

I am still here.