do you believe in bad luck tends to get attracted to sad people?

i do

My doctor always tells me, "I want you to hang out with your friends, go have lunch with your co-workers, call up your friends for some chit chat, go out shopping with your friends...."

It's awesome every time I think of that, and I try to pull a "social flower me", it always hits me back real hard. I would always end up more depressed, more uncomfortable, more insecure about myself.

I have been trying to cut down the whininess in me in this blog, but you know what, this blog is about me, this is a blog about how whiny of a person i am. this blog is to show you, oh yeah she's just this person who complains so much about her life. She takes things for granted, i don't see why she's so sad, people like her should just shout the fuck up and learn to live their lives like there's no tomorrow.

and you know you? yeah I live my life like there is no tomorrow. there is no tomorrow for me. tomorrow is always the same old me. tomorrow i will still be the same old me. tomorrow i'll come back again and whine about how terrible my life is.

i think my parents made a big mistake giving birth to me. it is a waste of time, a waste of life.

I have to admit, I am not the easiest/coolest girlfriend a guy can have. I know how much I do stare at girls who are hot and all. I don't have the greatest self esteem like everyone else does. I feel terrible about myself and it is not hard to catch me staring at girls, (yeah girls, most of the time) and think to myself, why can't I look/behave just like them?

I grew up grossed out by how I look and I constantly feel sorry for people (men) who talk to me. I know people feel bad for me thus they talk to me, looking me in the eyes while I can't stop thinking that, yeah I know I am gross, you are too kind to talk to me and I appreciate the fact that you are forcing yourself to look at me in the eyes, but it is fine with me if you want to look away coz I know how disgusting I am.

So, anyone who dates/dated me, have/had this huge restriction of looking/talking/staring/mentionin/watching movie/reading magazines with girls, hot girls in it.

If you call me a psychopath right now, thanks, please stop reading now and get the fuck out of here.

I know I am weird. I need to work on this crap. But seriously, it it not easy. Like I have been telling myself that hey, it is okay.. blabla but today I found myself reading on shit like how to make my butt looks good. lol You know when your face looks like a pile of shit, the only thing that you can do is to make your butt looks great? Well, stretch mark, anyone? Freckles on butt, anyone? Tofu butt, anyone? HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO MAKE MY GODDAMN BUTT LOOK GOOD?????? DAMN IT I AM JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH! I need plastic surgery, inside out, to make me a better person. Hell, I might as well get a brand new life and start all over. I pray that I will reborn a pretty/better person.

I am pathetic. I think you all know it. Thank you very much.