'If you want to know your future, look at how you are living today.' I should have killed myself when I had the chance.

Today I Bid Farewell..

To my father-in-law.

He passed away this morning 8:00am peacefully sitting in his chair with my mother-in-law holding his hand.

You'll be remembered forever.

Ouch!!

I finally had my first fall of the winter! It is not winter if I don't slip and fall! This time, it happened right when I got off work. Walked out the building with a big purse and a laptop bag on my shoulder, a cup of coffee in my left hand and two cookies and a car key in my right hand.

Then I slipped on the ice and fell.

Ha ha ha ha.... good thing I landed on my knees. I can't imagine me hurting my tail bone again!

Quickly I got up. Looked around, thank god there wasn't anyone. Grabbed all my stuff and made sure that the cookies were okay. ha ha ha ha

So I slowly glide to my car. I didn't dare to walk because it was like an iceskating rink!

Got to my car, my window pane was frozen. I couldn't open it and I really didn't want to force it. (my car windows don't come with a frame) So I used my barehands and nails to scrape those ice off.

Whew!

Oh I don't think I am going to wear heels tomorrow and I thank god for winter tires!

Happy Winter everybody!!! :)

Toby says hi! He's pouting. Maybe I should get him a cookie now. Such a poor baby.

Ahh.... I am done

Wrapping my Christmas presents!!  I just learned how to make a bow outta ribbon today so I went nuts on it.  I only wrapped 3 pressies....one for my dear, one for the mother-in-law, one for the brother-in-law.  Ya like 'em?? 

We are still waiting on the gift ordered for my father-in-law to arrive and I have yet shopped for Toby, so I guess I will wrap those this weekend.

Of course, with Toby's help.  He is such a poser....

Would you just look at the mess that he made??!  And guess what?  He tried to walk away instead of picking up after himself.  Tsk... Tsk....Tsk....

So Toby and I decided to place these gifts under the Christmas tree so that the tree doesn't look so lonely over there, all by itself.  Then I asked Toby if he could pose for a picture for me in front of the tree and pressies.  He had to think about for awhile.....

Then he said, "Wooo woooo wooo oooo"  (Read "Oh okay")

Sorry I am too lazy to sensor his wienie.  Let's just not stare at it okay?  Leave him some dignity will ya?

 

Have I mentioned that I am NOT crazy?

***************

Another unrelated story....

Toby came in from his potty trip.  Ate his cookie (a reward we give him usually as a "Thank You for Not Pooping & Peeing in the House"

He finished munching them on the carpet, got up and walked away.  Then for some reason I looked at his butt.  Oh boy.  A lil brownie was sticking outta of blackhole.  Holy Mother Of God.

I quickly ran to the kitchen and grabbed some paper towels with a dap of liquid detergent. 

"Toby, stay, stay..."

I went ahead and wipe that shit off.  And guess what?  It was stuck real well.  So I decided to just grab it and pull it outta the fur. 

Then......yes!  I managed to pulled that brownie piece out, together with some strands of hair (that, apparently, were my hair that he swallowed.  Mind you, it's the hair from my head).  So yeah. Stringy and disgusting.  But hey, he didn't complain.  In fact I think he liked it.  I wonder why....?

So yeah, what's for dinner?

Today we got our first snow of the season - half an inch haha!! And it took me close to 2 hours to arrive at work.

I miss you....

It's Sunday today and I had to go over to my in-laws for lunch. It is always dreadful for me to head over there. First of all, it is the company of the monster in law, second of all, the sight of my father-in-law being sick reminds me of my mom. Except that she was in a much worse state that he is in right now.

Today, I felt like shit. So I drank a whole bunch while eating that disgusting meatloaf that she made. The wine helped to cover up the stench and I also thought that it might help to elevate my mood.

I had about a total of 3 glasses. Please, it was a small glass. Don't fuss over it.

After several hours, we decided to take off.

So we walked away from the dining room, all of us except for my father-in-law (he's always insisted to not get help from anyone when he gets up of bed/chair/sofa, you get it. Then we heard BOOM.

He fell. Right on his butt and laid straight on the floor moaning. I think he hurted his head a lil too.

I felt worse. I was so sorry that he fell and I felt bad that how come I did not offer to help him get outta that chair?

Worst of all, it reminded me of my mom. My mom fell once too when she was sick. She was using the bathroom on the bed. Don't ask me to elaborate. I wasn't in the room with her, but my dad was helping her. Then I heard the same noise - BOOM, accompanied with loud scream, then crying voice my mom.

It was hard for me to take. Few minutes later, I saw my dad carried my crying mom in his arms, and helped her laying down on the sofa in the living room that she always laid on. It literally broke my heart. Till now, the image of that haunts me. I could actually SEE the pain that she suffered. I blamed myself for not staying in the room with her to help her with whatever that she needed. I know if I was there, maybe she wouldn't have fallen.

It was painful today. I then ran to bathroom because I couldn't hold my tears back any longer.

I hate Sunday. I hate seeing people suffering. I hate that my mom is no longer with me.

No one would understand how I feel right now. Maybe my brothers. But I really do not expect anyone to feel how I feel. And I don't blame you. You should be lucky that you don't feel the way I feel.

Love your family. Cherish them. You will never know what is going to happen tomorrow.

Fill your life with love. You don't want to end up like me.

I am in pain.

The Only Meal of the Day

I did almost nothing at work today so I decided to skip lunch. So all I had all day was 3 cups of coffee.

I am now eating my dinner. 12 pieces of frozen chicken nuggets and 2 glasses of wine.

Dinner of champions!

For some reason, I have a feeling I might be constipated soon.

You Teach People How to Treat You

You are responsible for how you want people to treat you. You teach them how you want to be treated. You teach them to show you the respect that you deserve.

It is obvious that I don't get respected here in this house. Not the pet, nor the dog's best friend. How do you teach someone who doesn't give a damn about you that you would like to be treated right and that you would like to be respected?

What did you just say?

On the phone today....

Hubby: Mama, she is not feeling well today so it'll just be me stopping by today
Monster in law: Oh, if she is sick, I would appreciate it that she doesn't come by and get dada sick

Ta ma de!!! I don't want to go anyway. Because YOU make me sick.

Grrrrrreaaaaaaaat Success

My cheesecake turned out to be a big crowd pleaser! However, I do think that it had a bit too much liquid in it. The texture wasn't what I was hoping it to be but I was expecting it to be like that since I was using a non-conventional packet of pumpkin puree.

Anyway, we stopped by at friends' for Thanksgiving dinner after lunch at the in-laws. I met a couple new girls and hmm... had a weird intro:

New girl: So what did you study in school?
Me: Electrical Engineering. What about you?
New girl: REALLY!??!?! (LOUD, REALLY LOUD) I thought you are a designer.
Me: A designer??? hehehe what kind of designer??
New girl: I don't know, maybe interior designer?? You look like one.
Me: *thinking to myself* (Is this supposed to be a compliment or insult?) *Smile* Oh okay.. haha I have never heard that before.

I should have asked her what made her think that I looked like a designer to her?

Prep for Thanksgiving and some bitchin'

Today I left work at 4pm thinking that I could beat to crowd to do some last minute food shopping. (Imma going to the in-laws tomorrow and I would like to have some "real" thanksgiving food... and if I don't make it, I don't get to eat it). It turned out, the store was PACKED with people I could barely move my shopping cart. Oh and we are going through a national shortage of canned pumpkin. I had to go to 3 stores and still I couldn't get any and had to settle for some weird mix and pour pumpkin crap.

As usual, we are heading to the in-laws... my in-laws I should say, for Thanksgiving lunch. So we bought a honey baked ham that we are going to bring along with us tomorrow. To me, it isn't Thanksgiving if there ain't any stuffing and green bean casserole. So I am gonna make those tomorrow morning. Tonight however, I am making pumpkin cheesecake (for dessert tomorrow). It takes some time for cheesecake to cool down and you have put it in the fridge for hours after you take it outta the oven, so I thought I should make it tonight.

Anyway, I bumped into my mother-in-law at the grocery store. I couldn't recognize her at first (FYI, she was wearing a newspaper boy hat and sweater and stuff. I seriously thought that it was her HUSBAND that I saw....LOL) She was telling me that she's making pate (liver mousse) for tomorrow and her stay at home 31 year old son is making turkey with brocolli stuff in the cavity. (WHO THE HELL EATS TURKEY WITH BROCOLLI STUFFING??????) Then she peeped inside my shopping basket and saw that I was buying 2 bags of stuffing bread and she was like, "Why are you making stuffing? Did you not know that G has already stuffed the turkey with brocolli and cauliflower? I said, "Oh yeah I checked with him before I came shopping and I told him that I was gonna make some traditional stuffing on the side and he OK-ed it." She said "Oh okay".

So, for tomorrow in-laws thanksgiving lunch, we are gonna have:
turkey with brocolli and cauliflower (courtesy of in-laws' eldest son)
ham (bought by my hubby)
sage stuffing with apple and sausage (moi)
green bean casserole (moi)
eclair (mother-in-law is making it for the first time, and have I mentioned that I don't eat eclairs)
pumpkin cheesecake (moi)

By looking at the list, maybe my hubby and I should host our own Thanksgiving lunch and invite them over. To be frank, I don't look forward to celebrating Thanksgiving/Christmas with this new family of mine. It's just very DIFFERENT here. I will never get used to it and I DONT WANT to get used to it. ha ha ha!!

Enough of my bitching and moaning.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hmm... I just realized that I haven't showered in 3 days.

ha ha ha ha ha SHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Did I tell you that last time when I was in the partially hospitalization program, one of the thing I needed to work on was to take shower more often ('Coz it helps to bring you up so that you are not that depressed)??

It's too much work.I need a robot shower maid. Hot one, preferrably. Can someone please help me? hehe

I joke around when I am nervous.I am freezing my butt off here.Oh I accidentally blurted out the "f" word in front of people.I wonder wat they think of me now?

First Day

Today is the first day I started with my new job. Well, not exactly working yet, I have to go through 2 days of in-house training/orientation then off I go for my first project.

I am excited. I know that this time it is going to be different. I can just feel it. There's this joy in my heart that I just can't describe. :)

Guys, wish me luck for this new beginning of my life.

Miserable NO MORE!

Yesterday marked the last day of my misery. I left that place that'd been putting me down for the last 3 years. I finally quit my so called job. I am heading towards a new beginning of my life. I know this time it is going to be different. I can feel it in my soul. I am actually excited and really looking towards to this brand new chapter of my life!!

I will be chilling for a week before my new job begins. To avoid getting the FLU, I went ahead and got myself a flu shot (finally) yesterday. I had been putting it off because I usually develope a low grade fever for a few days after the shot (having a slight sore throat now). Since I don't have to go back to work this Monday, I have time to rest my lil body ( it is actually getting big, i am getting fat).

So my plans for next week is to read, eat, drink lots of coffee, shopping and enjoy life. First of all.... I need to make sure that my in law gets the hint that "No ma'am, when I said I have a week off and I want to relax doesn't mean that I want to spend time with you." She suggested that we should hang out next week now that I have the time off. The thing is, did you hear the part where i said i want to RELAX?

If only my mom's here.
If only.

Is it weird..

that I can feel my heart crying right now?

You know that it is time to pack your belongings when....

Your boss said this to you:

"Let me try to say this in the nicest way.... you are the fish in the bottom of the tank here...."

My brain stopped functioning right after that bottom-tanked-fish story. I wonder if my boss was trying to make me quit my job? Seriously, who in the world with right mind would like to be the fish in the bottom of the tank in the company? Who with the right mind would think, hmm i am going to continue work hard and hopefully one day i would move to a better position in this company?

Whatever that he said to me was the NICEST way of saying it that he could think of (am i making sense here?) So, the next question in my mind was, how would you say it to me without sugar coating it? "You are the biggest piece of shit in our team?"

What makes you think that after you said those things to me, I would still want to contribute to your team? I have worked hard and fought hard. Now I am thinking, WHAT FOR?????

The greatest thing I learned from this 45mins conversation with him was....

I DESERVE BETTER!!!

I will bite your head off!

A co-worker and I went for our usual chai tea run on Monday, then I started telling him that it was Dan and I's 1 year anniversary.

me: Guess what? Today is my wedding anniversary. 1 year!!!
co-worker: Wow, 1 year.
me: Yup! I can't believe we got married today last year. Time flies :)
co-worker: Well, I guess congratulations.
me: Thank you.
co-worker: You know, in this country, 50% of marriage are bound to end up with a divorce. Usually, the first marriage ends up with a divorce. Me and my wife will be celebrating our 10th year annivesary. My first marriage didn't work out for me.
me: *%&$)#)%*#@ (in my head) Well, not where I come from. I realized that people in this country tend to give up very easily.

Since Monday, I have been very pissed at him. I usually talk to him like a friend, chit chatting but he crossed my line on Monday but saying those shit to me on my wedding anniversary and said well congratulations i guess. I wish I could have kick him in his nuts sack (if he's got any).

So now I am working with him on his stuff. I am testing his software and document for him and to be truthful, I am being extremely rude to him and I think he could sense it. Oh and yesterday I left work early and left the document on my desk and somehow I came in this morning, the document miraculously disappeared. I freaked out because I thought I misplaced them or my stuff is stolen, again. So I went to his desk and hey, it's sitting there. So i went ahead and grabbed them. And i told him not to steal stuff from my desk anymore... in a joking way of course.

I am still mad.

1st Anniversary!

Today, marked our very first anniversary as husband and wife. I just dropped off my hubby at the airport this morning. So, no celebration today. :( Anyway, he surprised me this morning with a bouquet of flowers. heheh

Happy 1st Anniversary, to the both of us. Cheers! :D

Should I say...BLOODY HELL

It is that time of the month and I look like a potbelly pig over here. Or maybe like I am 3 months pregnant with a potbelly pig?

Is it weird to crave for something to drink at 12pm at work? I can't wait to go home and have a drink! Maybe I AM an alcoholic. I think I need to find out.

Is this my life?

After being on antidepressant for 4 years, I was finally considered as "normal" on Jun 9, 2009. My doc set me free. Drug free. Well sort of, coz I am still popping my other pill - chill pill, every once in a while (read everyday).

The truth is, I find myself dreading it again. I feel as if I have no urge to live my everyday life. It's just so blah everyday. Well, I did feel good the first week when I was off meds. I felt like I was the Queen Of the World. But things haven't been going well for me these past few months. I find myself thinking of my buddy Miss Alcohol every so often lately.

I don't like who I am right now. I can only handle so many rejections. It is eating me alive. Inside and out.

Today I'm dirty
I want to to be pretty
Tomorrow I know, I'm just dirt
Today I'm dirty
I want to to be pretty
Tomorrow I know, I'm just dirt
We are the nobodies
Wanna be somebodies
We're dead, we know just who we are
We are the nobodies
Wanna be somebodies
We're dead, we know just who we are
Yesterday I was dirty
Wanted to be pretty
I know now that I'm forever dirt
Yesterday I was dirty
Wanted to be pretty
I know now that I'm forever dirt
We are the nobodies
Wanna be somebodies
We're dead, we know just who we are
We are the nobodies
Wanna be somebodies
We're dead, we know just who we are
Some children died the other day
We feed machines and then we pray
Look up and down mortified
You should have seen the ratings that day
Some children died the other day
We feed machines and then we pray
Look up and down mortified
You should have seen the ratings that day
We are the nobodies
Wanna be somebodies
We're dead, we know just who we are
We are the nobodies
Wanna be somebodies
We're dead, we know just who we are
We are the nobodies
Wanna be somebodies
We're dead, we know just who we are
We are the nobodies
Wanna be somebodies
We're dead, we know just who we are

Dear mommy..

I wish you're here.... God's taken the wrong person. Why am i still alive here while you are the one we need the most?

How about..

Some happy pictures of food??

Miss I-Love-To-Eat-So-I-Cook made some yum-o-licious dessert last weekend for a potluck party.  Guess what?  They dug it!  Too bad I didn’t take any pictures but I did however took some while I first made these as trial couple weeks ago.  What do ya think?  Green balls anyone??

 

 

Hmm..and I wonder where Toby is??

Physical Punishment - Much Needed

My face is hurting today.

I received a letter yesterday basically said that Sorry, you are a loser. We can't hire you.

Instantly, I knew I was gonna fall apart. So I walked to the kitchen and took 2 shots of vodka. Thinking that it would calm me down. Then I walked to the living room, sat in front of my laptop and started looking again. Looking for more opportunities. I told myself, nope, I am not gonna just break into pieces. Nah uh, ain't happening.

2 minutes later, BAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Broke down in tears, started smacking the shit outta myself...mostly my face. I kept slapping and scratching and punching.... Oh, at least, before I smacked my face, I threw away my glasses which subconsciously I think I didn't want to break them then waste $ to buy new pair of glasses, while my face is there, free of charge.

Today I woke up, I have some reddish-purple marks on my face. My jaws are hurting, I can barely open my mouth. My cheeks are swollen. I have bruises on both my legs (which I think was from my repeated-punching Bruce Lee style)

I bet people are looking at me thinking that, man, she got mugged and the man beat her up!

Am I proud of myself? No. I am ashamed of myself. First, I didn't get the job, then I fell apart. Instead of pulling myself up, I beat myself down. I am in pain now, both physically and mentally.

Why do i do this to myself?

This is it!

Tomorrow is the day! I am going to FIGHT for this job. I am going to STAND OUT, be STRONG and CONFIDENT, like my MOMMY!!!

Wish me luck you guys :)

Assertiveness.....

I need help in this area. I really need to learn how to stand up for myself. It is pretty damn obvious now at work that I am picking up chores that absolutely no one sane would do. And they know it, they know that I would do anything that they tell me to do and so they are taking advantage of me 110%. I am so sick of this and I really don't want to turn to alcohol to make me feel better. This job does not deserve my liver!! (or my time, energy, emotions...etc It is NOT WORTH IT AT ALL). I am not slave labor. I am an ELECTRICAL ENGINEER and I deserve to be treated as one!

How to say NO to your bosses without risking your job??

No Motivation

I have absolutely no motivation to work today. Wonder why.....

Sunday

Hello.  It’s me.  I am dead tired.  I always feel this way on Sundays.  Tired and grumpy.  Why do I have to live so close to my in-laws?  Well, i like my father-in-law, it’s the woman I can’t stand

Hello world! This is my first mobile blob. YAY!!

Where is my Liver?!

I over-indulged on alcohol Saturday night out with friends.  I believed I drank about half a bottle of whisky on top of a couple glasses of wine and martinis I downed before.  Not to mention a double shot of vodka the night before right after coming back from work.

 

So, Sunday morning I woke up with a major drama queen moment.  I spent the WHOLE, really WHOLE day throwing up in the bathroom.  To be frank, I still felt like I was drunk that day.  The hangover kicked in only around 9pm that night.  Then I turned to Dan and told him that I am never ever going to drink anymore!!!  And he said those encouraging words to me,  "You always say this when you get to this stage but then you will always do the same thing once you feel better"

 

Monday, woke up with a hangover.  Yeah, the hangover that was supposed to be here Sunday.  I had to drag myself to work.  I seriously thought I was gonna spend a couple hours hugging the toilet at work but I downed some coffee and painkillers and off I went with the shit pile of work that I had to do.  For fuck sake I couldn’t even swallow my sandwich coz my damn throat was hurting like hell from throwing up so much the day before.  It was a freakin’ long day.  I didn’t get to go home till 7:15pm!!!

 

Today, I got up and I felt waaaaaaaaayyyyy better.  And now I am sitting down, typing this post and in my head I am picturing a nice cold bottle of beer.  DO I HAVE A PROBLEM OR WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?  I swear I don’t think that it is something that I need to be worry about but every time someone hears about my drinking habit, he/she would say, "You are an alcoholic"

 

Alcoholic or not, all I know is that, I love not being able to think when I get to that Lala-Land stage.  Life in Lala-Land is wonderful.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to my mommy.  You are missed every second everyday..

&!@*%#$

My job is depressing.  I don’t think I will be able to live my life being micro-managed.  You think that you’re turning 30 soon and no one is gonna do those kind of shit to you and yet, here it is.  And the saddest part is that you gotta listen, or else you will get your ass fired.

 

Is money really that important really?  All i know is that, I am trying to drown myself with lots of alcohol.  Then drag myself back to the grave yard the next morning.  I can’t wait to wake up everyday.

Social Saturday

I took my therapist’s advice to hang with people.  My social anxiety is getting worse that I am causing some problems at work.  I am going to push myself..baby steps..  First I am going to spend time with people that I am more comfortable with, my fellow homies from Malaysia!  So yesterday I stocked up on vodka and wine.(not sure if i am taking the opportunity to get drunk again, to run away from problems at work?)  I also went to the local Asian grocery store to pick up a few ingredients.  I am going to make mee siam goreng, sambal telur, mititei (Romanian meatballs), some fruits and veges, chips and dip and that’s it i think..?  Hopefully they don’t get bad stomach tomorrow.. coz the chili paste that I made myself, tend to be OVER spicey that your stomach can’t take it.  But then, it tastes sooooooo goooooooooooood in your mouth.  :D

Goodbye Winter; Hello Spring!

 

We had a bitter winter early this year.  The temperature dropped to sub 32 deg C on some days.  I had a brain freeze almost everyday walking from the parking lot to my office.  Here are some pictures we took the day snow storm hit.  I bet Toby felt like he was home again. :)

 

 

I could barely open my eyes.  It was so damn bright out.  I think I looked like the Hans in Mulan. hehehehe

 

I like this one.  At first I thought he was playing.  Then I found out that he got poopie on his cheek and was trying to wipe it off with the snow.  Haha!!

This is a sign that Spring is here!!!  Picture taken from the skylight in my kitchen. 

 

A happy me!  It was Friday and yes, I just came home from work and was "wining" down (or should I say downing my wine??)  while Mr. Snoopy dog here was pouting. 

 

Don’t you just adore these?  I love flowers.  Call me vain.

100th Day

Tomorrow is the 100th day since my grandpa passed away. The truth is, it feels as if it was yesterday that he bidded us goodbye.

So much to say, so lost to write

That says it all.

Ta-daaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

So I cut and dyed my hair. Then after that I realized that....wait a minute, I AM NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT TO MY HAIR RIGHT NOW, TRADITIONALLY!!! God damn it.



Now you see..........

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Now you don't ;)


Yeah, well I just thought that I needed a change. I've been feeling like shit since I came back from Malaysia, or should I say since Christmas Day. Anyway.. hopefully this one tiny change would be a start.

**********

I stopped by grocery store on the way home from work to pick up some shampoo and conditioner for color-treated hair. Yeah... So then I thought to myself, "this is going to cost me a bomb if my hair is like this for the next few months." Maintaining dyed hair isn't my thing. Already I am thinking of when is the next time I dye it back to black. Bah!

Anyway, I picked up a daily planner for myself. I really don't think that I can wait for me to save up $ for a ipod touch really. I need to get organized like, NOW. So yeah, I got a $8.99 planner instead of a $299.99 ipod touch. hehe. Smart eh? ;) Then I thought okay maybe I should try eat healthy from now onwards, so I went to the organic vege aisle and got myself some organic cauliflower and carrots. But I don't think I can afford to eat like that. So I put those carrots back. hahaha Fuck it, I don't think I need to eat organic shit anyway, my binge drinking habit is going to send me to hell real soon, or at least get my liver replaced.

Today is February 5, 2009. I have decided that it is time for my new year resolutions.

1. Eat healthy.

2. Do cardio and weights 3 times a week. Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I am going to have a nice tight ass in 1 month! :D

3. Use the punching bag twice a week. Tuesday and Thursday.

4. Be ORGANIZED!

5. Maintain the cleaniness of the house. (I CAN DO IT...I CAN DO IT!!!!)

6. Save $$$.

7. Get out of my comfort zone! Hang out more often with friends. Or should I say, start hanging out with friends.

8. Take pictures to capture my daily life.

9. Pick up journal writing again.

10. Read, read, read!!!

Oh and not gonna stop drinking. HELL NO!

Okay, I think this list is a lil too long to keep up with. So I would say, let's keep it like this for now. Ciao babees!

Time for a Change!

I am going to chop my hair off today. Yes, I have decided.

Pictures I Meant to Post Long Time Ago.....

Dan's birthday present - A ski trip


First time hosting Christmas lunch



Don't you just love those napkins? I folded them. Yup, I am a nerd.




The family says, "Merry Christmas!!"





And Toby says, "Am I hot or what??"

An "Ah-Ha" Moment

Someone came to my desk on Friday and talked to me...
Friend A: What do you think? Do you think I should apologize to her? I don't want to do it but I am afraid that I would regret it.
Me: Then maybe you should apologize to her. You don't want to live your life with regrets do you.
Friend A: Hell no. I don't live my life with regrets. Do you?
Me: Everyday.
Friend A: That's kinda sad.

You will always be remembered....

Ah gong (grandpa) passed away December 25, 2008 at 10:23pm (it was December 26 11:23am at home). I just woke up from a nap, after a whole morning of slaving away in the kitchen preparing my first Christmas lunch. Dan's family left our house at about 8:45pm that night.

Anyway.. I got up and the first thing I did was to check if anybody called me while I was asleep. There I saw a text message.. sent by my brother. Ah gong had just passed away.

Time stopped. I was lost. I bought air ticket a day ago thought that I could go home to visit him in the hospital, talk to him, see him, hold his hand. But it was too late.

I flew home on the 27th. It's been a month ++. I have to say that I am still trying to pull myself up. Grandpa was always very proud of me. He was always happy with my school results since I was in elementary school. There were times that I did bad, he told me, "it's okay, you still have a few As." He always made me feel good about myself.

I don't expect anyone to know how I feel. I don't blame the certain heartly person who told me "Oh sorry to hear about your grandpa. I thought you should have gotten over it by now." But I believe in Karma.

Life has its very own tricky way to make you a stronger person.

Something's been really wrong with me mentally. Oh and Happy Chinese New Year to some of you out there. I totally forgot about this.

Okay, not gonna bore you with my drama. Here are some pictures..

Ah gong, I miss you.. You will always be in my heart..