had a wonderful weekend. although i am having a cold :(

saturday, my dear and i went for beer at Claddagh. it was the first time for me to sit down and drink with boyfriend. well, yeah i've never done that before, coz i always thought that it would be boring, just the two of us, what to talk about?? however, it was an awesome night. come to think of it, we both had very bad sore throat that night still, it didn't stop us from yakking. hehehe. then we met a friend who's working at the parking lot. it was pretty damn cold that night. we chatted for at least 15mins at the open air parking lot. brrrrrrrrrrrrrr... i was pretty much jumping around trying to make myself warm. then those big arms came and wrapped around me ;)

sunday we both woke up with terrible terrible sore throat. we had to cancel our plan to here. oh well, it wasn't a bad idea. at least we had a great morning. hehehehe

hey! do you like blackened fish??? we made blackened walleye last night and it was absolutely delicious. wait, is it blacken or blackened?? ahh i don't know. anyway it's cajun cooking. but trust me, you're gonna like it!

today, since i am sick at home but feeling happy at the same time. i decided to take some pictures of my humble psycho-paradize. hehehe enjoy!



this is my bed... where magic happens..... ;) we chose this gorgeous comforter. which i really love the colors. maroon, golden and purple. do you like my wall art? it's beautiful isn't it? i call it "freedom". the lady in the picture is setting a white pigeon free. and i am the pigeon. hahaha well, that's what came into my head and i bought it. you see that thing hanging on top the ceiling above the wall art?? that's my dreamcatcher. my dear got it for me on my birthday. you see, i always get nightmares and so this dreamcatcher is going to chase them away. we just hanged it up yesterday and also put my favorite stuffs in it: turqouise stones and some orangy stones. i got my groovy looking lamp from pier 1. :P



here's a close look of my dreamcatcher. we worked on it yesterday instead of going out in the cold. smart eh. hehehe



this is my "sanctuary" area. i like to sit here surrounded by bunch of pillows and read my books, sip my coffee, light some candles. mmmmmmmmmmmm this is what we call LIFE. the door you see here, opens up to the patio.



this is the door to the bathroom. i like door curtains. so i decided to get this one for my bathroom door since i like to shower with my door opened, so that i could listen to music on my computer.



in case you haven't realized, i am obsessed to candles and candle holders. hehehe my dear got me these candle holders and i thought i should put them in here, my bathroom. hehe don't get me wrong. i could have some romantic time here.. hahah



and this is where poops are made. mmmmkaaay.....



not forgetting this lil picture i have on this other side of my bathtub.


there you go. my lil paradize...................

today is the 3rd day i am skipping work. i woke up crying this morning. i was anxious. scared. worried. emotional. desperate. depressed.

so i took all my stuffs and drove home from his place. i didn't wanna stay, i knew he had things planned out today: get his project done, pick up parcel from the post office. i did not want to drag him into my misery. therefore i told him that i love him and i left, alone.

driving and crying at the same time. i almost hit the mailbox in the neighborhood. first of all, my car was single-eyed (one of the lights was out), second of all, it was freakin 6am and 2 degree celsius out there where there was ice formed on my windshield. it kept fogging up on me. i was already panic inside, the weather and the condition around weren't helping at all. freaked out, i cried all the way home. tried my very best to stay on my lane on the freeway. almost slammed into the car in front of me twice.

both eyes were swollen after i woke up from the nap. later, he called. he came with flowers to cheer me up. i was speechless. i was touched.

i thank him for always be by myside no matter how hard it is for him. i know that it is not easy to constantly make sure that my mind doesn't wander off. i know it is not easy that dating me is like going for roller coaster ride, you can't forsee what is going to happen next, is she going to laugh, or is she going to cry? she is crying. why is she crying? what should i do now?

"all i want is to make you happy."

i always thought that it is my job to keep people happy. it is my job to do things according to people preference. but he shows me that it is okay to be me. he shows me how wonderful person i am.

but, do you know that, i am the wonderful person i am right now because of you. you make me realize that i am not a pile of waste. you make me realize how beautiful life is, how amazing person you are, that i can't wait to see how great my future will be knowing that you will always be by my side.

he always says "it doesn't take much to impress you." yes, he is right and wrong. i am impressed already just by seeing how incredible man he is without him doing anything to prove it to me that he is who i have been seeking for.

I LOVE YOU, my dear.

this is my second day sitting at home. am i really sick or am i mentally sick, i am not sure either. all i know is that i feel unwell all over. it could be my imagination.

my head is weird. it feels so numb as if its wrapped in plastic. i get distracted. i get confused. my eyes feel heavy. it feels like i float when i drive.

i need to pull myself together. if i let myself slip one more time its going to be hard to get up.

what am i gonna do?

yesterday i almost blurted out some thing that i was not supposed to say.

yeah call me crazy. chuaman you know what i am talking and please don't make fun of me. i am not a desperate person!!!!!!

yes. break me shake me take me to the milkyway i am in love.

hahahahhahaha

don't mind me. it's a good day, is it not?

i spoke to HR person after thinking for quite some time. i have decided to file a official complain on those who put my life at work a misery. yeah, you might think, oh come on, people are just giving you a compliment. don't be such a whiny lil bitch.

do you have any idea how much distress these people brought me? i have to think twice everytime i go to work. which entrance should i take today to avoid which particular security guard? which way should i take to go to product engineering office in order to skip those ugly desperate factory workers? how should i walk today so that those bastard won't come and talk to me? okay, walk hard, walk fast, walk like a man.

i mean, what the fuck?! i am here to work. not to train myself how to be a man.

some security guard lady at work stopped me today after i swiped my employee ID. she turned to her colleague and went, " is this the girl?" "yeah"

"somebody likes you at east entrance" (we have two entrances, east and south)

"what do you mean?"

"some security guard like you at east entrance. if yuo go there now you'll see him. he wears glasses"

i started sweating once i heard it. not again, i was thinking to myself. what came to my mind was, now i have to avoid another entrance too?? i dont feel safe at all working at this sh*thole.

he thinks that i should let people know that i have a boyfriend. the truth is, i do tell people that i have a boyfriend. everybody that i work with knows that i have a boyfriend. what do you expect me to do? walk around in the factory, tell every single person that I HAVE A BOYFRIEND SO FUCK OFF!?

i dont interact with security guard, or people down on the production line. i do not have to tell them my personal life because they are those that i see 2 seconds a day and then i will forget who exactly it was that i saw. people come and go. do i have to go around and say hey i have a boyfriend? what kind of impression am i going to leave? i try to be professional. it is insane that i have to tell each and every one that i have short conversation with that hey i am taken. please if you are going to hit on me in the future, remind yourself that i am attached to someone.

i mean, what did i do wrong?

some suggested that i should uglify myself when i come to work. i spoke to my counsellor about it, she thought that it is ridiculous that i have to put myself down to make me feel safe. i have low self esteem and by making myself ugly in front of people isn't going to help to make me a happy person that i always want to be.

why should i even need to consider of dressing myself down (i don't even dress up to work, i wear long sleeves and jeans everyday) why should i even tell people that i have some kind of disease so that they'd stay away from me?

telling people to back off by proving that i am attached makes me feel weak. as in, look, i have a boyfriend so you "cant" like me. no. i want to say look, I dont like you so do not bug me.

do you know what i mean? yes i agree i have weird theory. but i just don't want to use the word "boyfriend" to solve all the problems that i have here. it's like, i can't do crap but to pull my boyfriend into the picture coz boyfriend can solve all the dilemmas i have here at work. what about me?? i want ME to be in the picture. ME to solve my own fucking problem.

i am pissed off. i did not like it when he said
"it seems like you have problem mentioning that you have a boyfriend."

nobody fucking knows what i am thinking.

i am sitting in my cubicle. fyi, we have see through glasses surrounded each cubicle to allow people to have a clear view of what the heck we are doing sitting in front of the computer.

the place where i am sitting, i am facing this other guy who constantly, i say CONSTANTLY, digs his nose.

why is that?

doesn't he know that people can see him?

this is disturbing. i was eating my pigs in the blanket and i had to put it down coz he totally ruined my appetite.

hail to iPod Nano.

Nano nano nano nano nano nano nano nano nano nano... oh nano nano nano.....

hehehehe by the way, that's the song from the Nano candy advertisement on tv when i was a kid. one of my favorite songs that i sing when i'm happy. ( yeah, go ahead and call me weird, i like to sing songs from tv ad)

okay, back to what i was gonna say. i have decided to get myself a iPod Nano when i get my next paycheck!!!! hehehehehe... hey, i should pamper myself by being hardworking waking up at 5am every single day to this sh*thole. *pat myself at the back*

thank you very much.

what? i have pampered myself enough with all the shopping that i did on monday? well, this is different. this is techy pamper. if you know what i mean.

i want a good deal. apple store is selling it for $199 (2GB). i think i am going to go to the store today and touch it. oh..... yeah.....

hehe

i am happy today. isn't it a good thing? i feeeeeeeeeeeel goooooooood.

maybe coz i pooped well this morning. hehehehe

life's wonderful. really. i'm in love.

some lady just walked pass my cubicle. i wonder what kind of perfume she's using. nyquil or something. smells exactly like cough syrup.

makes me sick.

ugh

i enjoy shopping alone. well, i used to go to malls with my roommate. but i can't stand her critisizing everything that i chose. she never has good word for me. so nowadays i decided to go shopping alone.

did it yesterday and spent a good $170 on clothes and also cosmetic. hehehehe...

$170 = RM629. OH MY GOOD LORD!

i'm pretty satisfied after that though. right now i can't wait for my shoes to get arrived from ebay. haha!

still waiting for my finger to heal. have i mentioned that i sliced my finger by accident?? well, i was grabbing the blade of the scissors too tight i didn't realize that i pushed the blade right into my flesh. now this flesh is falling apart, although i am trying hard to stick it back in.

things went pretty well yesterday during doctor visit. it wasn't as difficult as i thought it was to read out my journal out loud to somebody. we are happy of the fact that i can identify what causes me sad and how to tell myself to "let it go". it's hard sometimes but at least now i don't sit in my bathtub and cry for hours not knowing why i'm doing it.

i believe i'll be HEALTHY one day. well, come to think of it. i am healthy today. ehehe

i've been indulging myself with too much of sadness that i created for myself and totally forgot to stop and look around. yesterday, after a long struggle. i am not as pitiful as i think i am.

i am sorry that it's been unfair to you. You've been tyring so hard to make me happy. and yet, i've been hurting myself, what worse is that, i do it in front of you. i know that it must have been painful for you to look at me doing those stuff to myself. i am sorry that i've been telling you words that i don't even mean to say. i was mad. mostly at myself. i hated the fact that i am not a perfect person and you should know what a perfectionist i am.

every little flaws in me bugs me to death. instead of making me a better person, i whined about how useless i am.

i know that i have been such a pills pusher, cutter, self-mutilator.

but today, October 15, 2005. I make an announcement.

I no longer mutilate myself. I stand up high and I am a happy girl that I always am. I am so lucky that i have two hands and legs, i am so lucky that my eyes can see, my ears can hear, my mouth can speak. There is nothing in this world that is so hard. I will go through everything. I will be strong.

Nothing can beat me down.

people at work try to bully me in everyway they can. i used to be shy about voicing out or talking back. things are different now. i can see changes in me.

today, somebody from the warranty department (what they do is to fix computers with bunch of weird problems, they have better knowledge about computers compared to the technicians, so what happen is, when stuff happens on the production line, technicians would fix them, else, they'll go to slam units, or then warranty and lastly if warranty people have no clue how to solve the mystery, they'll come to engineers. which sorta explains why i'm so free at work now yeah??)

anyway.. haha

travis, his name is travis. travis came with harddisk disallowed error and wanted to know if there's any other options that he could use. he stood at the middle of our cubicles explaining his problem and then he pointed at me saying that he wanted me to fix it.

"you! fix this for me. then, write me a report and give me a 5minutes presentation"
obviously he's joking. but then, i don't like the sentence that he said. i know i know it's a joke but i am pretty sensitive when it comes to sexist issues. haha so i smiled at him and i said oh okay.

i mean, i don't care. i can fix it if i know, if not i'll ask my supervisor. i do not fear that anymore. so i asked my supervisor and he pretty much walked me through the process and we found a list of allowed hdd for him.

i did something that i'm proud of. i said the same thing back to him.

"there, we got it fixed. use this different hdd. and also. write me a report explaining why did you use the wrong hdd previously. 5000 words, give it back to me by 3pm."

everybody laughed.

i guess they were pretty surprised that i said that back to him. then this orang hitam that came with him was shocked. he went "what did she say??"

apparently, they are testing me.

later, i overheard this orang hitam talking to si perverted about me. 2 minutes later he came to me and asked me how to transfer casette to cd. so i asked him back. you mean audio or video. then he stopped for awhile and think. i don't think he meant to ask me the question. he just wanted to test me out.

so i told him that i've done that before at school. i'm not sure how exactly it is to do it at home. then he went "oh.. okay. hmm i am not sure how to do this either." i told him to ask si perverted instead. "its okay" thats what he said. so i turned and asked si perverted and they both raised their eyebrows.

you know. i can feel i am getting stronger. hahaha dont try to step on me coz i am a female engineer! you bunch of cork soaker. hahahhahaha

they looked at me for awhile and i raised one of my eyebrows at them.

i can be friendly to you but dont mess with me.

muahahhahaha

i am not a good sister.

i get pissed off talking to my bro.

sometimes i think i put too much effort and expectations that i get disappointed every single time i talk to people from home, a.k.a family, ohana.

i am frustrated

did i mention that i do not have a family?

went to see my counsellor yesterday. as usual, we meet for an hour every monday to talk.

anyway, at the end of yesterday session. i showed her a picture of my dear and i taken on my birthday. he made me a necklace on my birthday. it's gorgoeus. you have no idea how shocked i was when i first saw it. i was like, "you made this yourself?? where did you get time to make it???"

at first i thought he bought the necklace, then, i thought he paid someone to do it. but NOPE! he did everything by himself. i was so extremely happy i had tears in my eyes. hehehe anyway, the necklace was kinda too small for me and so he had to redo the whole thing on the day. i got to watch him doing it. and yup, i was pretty sure that he made it.

back to my story. my counsellor said we both look really good together and our baby is going to be so cute.

i was like.

HUH?!?!?!?!??!

NO NO NO NOT YET!!!

it was so funny. we both laughed. coz we've been talking about reducing stress for me but saying that suddenly threw me 5 tons of stress.

she said he's got "kind eyes". yeah i know what she meant. hehe

well, i was just so "kembang" yesterday i couldn't stop grinning.

i am so forgetful!

went to thai place yesterday right? left my credit card and driver's license with my dear. forgot to take them back this morning.

woke up late this morning for work. so i rushed my way to office. dropped by McD for drive through breakfast (well, i needed coffee!! Hello, it's freakin' 5:50am!). so i ordered everything..

"can i have meal #4 with coffee, please make it 3/4 full , thanks"
"sure. please pull up at the first window"

"oopssssssss. i am sooooooo sorry i don't have my credit card and cash with me!!"
"erm.. "
he just stared at me.
"i don't want it anymore. i can't afford it" *heheheheh*
"it's okay. you have a great day!"

haha.. so i made a fool of myself.

then, colleague asked me out for lunch. i told him i don't want lunch but i need coffee. (i need my daily double dosage of morning coffee)

so okay, before we went to the restaurant, he dropped me off at starbucks.

"sh*t!"
"you don't have cash?"
"i am so sorry. i forgot that i don't have my cash and credit card.... it's okay. i don't want coffee anymore"
"here, i can lend you some"

my god, it's so embarassing!!!

i am not gonna go out without my purse anymore :o(

oh, and i spilled coffee on my jeans.
they look like blood stains. ugh.

it was brrr brrrrrrrr... cold yesterday. so, my dear and i decided to go for some spicy thai food at his town.

you know how people say, it's the best to take spicy food when the weather's cold. so we both "keh kiang" (direct translate to fake smart) to order things in HOT. you know how hot food can be in thailand. i had tom yam chicken and fried rice with basil and chicken while my dear had fried kuay teow. we both were "sweating balls" in the restaurant. the food was so spicy both our lips were swollen. then the waitress came...

"iiiiis the foooooood too hotttt fo you?" in this thick thai accent. then she giggled.

yeah, very funny. watching her customers eating and go sssss sssss sssssss

"mole wate??"

hahaha. my dear drank his water like there's no tomorrow.

"i'm going to pee blood later" that's what he said. hahahaha

we both woke up this morning with upset stomach due to the spiciness of the food. i've already pang sai twice . both felt very shiok. i believe my dear pang sai more since 4:30am this morning. buntut dah bakar ni. heheheh

SHIOK! (means awesome)

PS: i am eating the leftover right now. it's actually not that bad. i believe it's the tom yum that killed us last night.

*taking a deep breath*.........................

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

today, colleagues told me that they salute me.

why?

this morning, some man came to my cubicle. well, it's this very friendly taiwanese man that i've seen a few times here at work, walking around the place, smiling at me. of course, knowing me. i smile at him everytime i see him, i nod at him as well.

so today, he came to my cubicle and started talking to me.

the man: where are you from?
me: i'm from ma-lay-see-aaa
the man: oh where??
me: jio hor
the man: xin shan ah??
me: close to xin shan but not really there. how did you know that by the way??
the man: i used to travel a lot for business.
me: i see.
the man: so, how do you like it here?
me: oh i like it here, the job is great, people here are very friendly.
he looked surprised.
the man: friendly?!
me: yeah, people who work here are friendly, although there are some down at production line who are over friendly that kinda freaks me out.
the man: you mean you get harrassed by them?
me: yeah, actually i filed a complain on the security guard.
the man: you have to be strong. next time if anybody harrasses you, ask them " what is your name?" they'll be afraid of you and they won't do it again. but please come to me if anybody does that to you. this thing should not happen around here. i'm sorry that you experienced this.
me: yeah, it's just that the security guard seemed kinda you know, i dont want to get into trouble after work.
the man: yea i understand. i'll talk to the head of security department and have them take care of this for you.
me: wow, thanks.
paused for awhile.
me: what is your name? I am Kerusi.
the man: blablablabla.
me: nice to meet you blablabla! which department are you from?
the man: i am from all the department.
me: huh???
the man: this is my factory
me: OH MY. haha i am so sorry i didn't know!!!
the man: haha it's okay.

*_*"

hahahha okay. so i talked to the boss of the company without myself knowing it. i was all so relaxed and you know, kinda impolite i think. but i'm glad that i always smile at him eventhough i didn't know. that shows some respect right??

anyway, he said that he's been wanting to talk to me.

guess what? he is an EXTREMELY nice man. i think i have my hopes up again to get a visa. hehe

wish me luck!

it's amazing how powerful your mind can be.

i get sick everytime i come in to work. it's either i start getting a fever, or i'll start puking. like yesterday, i began to throw up 2 hours after i got in here. then, by 12 pm, i already threw up 5 times. i felt so weak and dizzy there were times i knocked on the pc rack coz i was kinda passing out for a second.

so i went home.

this morning woke up, worried that the same thing could happen. so i decided to take a day off. (its just an excuse.. however, somebody got me figured out and he stopped me from doing that and i was mad at him for a good 15mins. heheh sorry!)

anyway................ here i am at work. ta-daaaa !! happy now??

yesterday got into a huge argument with my roommate for the first time in 2 years i've been staying with her. it wasn't very pleasant i would say. i regreted for saying things to her (i've never done that before. i was always the goodie goodie who let people push me around like a ball) so i guess it was surprising to her. she wrote me a letter saying that she's sorry and i told her that i was sorry too for being harsh at her. sometime when you gotta explode, you gotta explode. there were so many things that i wasn't pleased with her and yet she always pointed her finger at me saying that things are my fault. so yeah, yesterday i just blurted everything out.

it turned out good though. we had a fight at 4pm and we made up and 5:30pm. he's right. girls can't stay mad at each other for too long. hehe. i don't want to be mad at the first place!

it's FRIDAY!!!!!!!

which means, tomorrow will be the last day of the week for me. we'll be going for art museum on sunday and also italian food for dinner. it's our special day ;)

oh hey! i got my hair cut and dyed. it's mocha chocolate base and some warm blonde highlights around my face. the hairstylist's the coolest woman i've seen (besides my mom of course, she rocks my world). she shaves her hair off every summer. hehe, WAHHHH. anyway, she and i decided to darken my hair coz fall's approaching, or i should say it's fall. and it's better to go with dark hair so that it won't cause any damage to the texture of it. i'll post some pictures up after i get my internet hooked up. (the technician was supposed to come yesterday but due to some misunderstanding, he didn't get to come INSIDE my apartment. oh well!) i have it reschedule to next tuesday. so, be patient.

one last thing. I HAVE THE BEST BOYFRIEND IN THE WORLD!!!! hehehehehhehe

sorry. but listen to me.

i was sick yesterday right? so i left home from work early. he left school early to come see me. aww.. the smile on his face wiped away all the discomfort that i had. then he gave me a back massage to relax me.. hehehehe yeah i'm always tensed if you haven't realised it. then after a nap, he took me to my hairdresser. when i was doing my hair, he himself drove to the nearest mall, which is like 20mins away and bought me a 200gb hard disk and also a bunch of dvd-r. at first i thought okay, maybe he's going to the electronic store to get stuff for himself (he likes techy stuff) but nope. everything's for me! ME!!!!!!!!! i fell asleep smiling last night. :)

hehehe...

i was supposed to start writing a mental journal on monday and i totally forgot about it. see, the thing is, my memory is failing on me and i keep zoning out every few times a day that no matter what i do, my mind isn't with me. almost got into car accidents. so my doc came out with an idea of having me to write down what's on my mind and then she'll try to figure out what is the exact cause that make me such an idiot now.

it feels like there's a brain tumor inside my head or something.

or maybe brain tumor is the main reason why i am like this. hehehehe

anyway, yeah, i should get a tiny notebook today to write stuff on. but then, come to think of it, where am i gonna get time to actually do this?? i am not gonna write in front of people here. geeez, its so inconvenient.

however it is, i am still glad that i decided to stop taking the magic pills. yes, magically the pills managed to filter out ALL i mean ALL my thoughts and it kinda made me space out every 2 minutes, it helped though in that way but i didn't want to be such zombie like at work and so i quited taking them. oh well. i just have to have a strong will power to control my mind then to have it control me.

oh yeah! i'm gonna have cable tv and internet later today! cancelled the old subcription coz it was way too expensive to afford. got this deal from comcast for $53 a month and i'll get 99 channels on tv and high speed internet. *grin*

alright, i am going to stare at my screen for awhile. talk to you later!

my left eye had been infected since two weeks ago. well you see, yes i like to spend money buying things like shoes and hmm.. shoes. but when it comes to necessary stuff for example contact lenses, i can be especially stingy. hehehe

i was using disposable contacts which need to be replaced every once a month. however, miss stingy didn't throw them on purpose. knowing that one box of contacts costs $19 and it comes with 3 pairs. if she can use 3 pairs in 1 year, that would save hmm.. about $60 a year. so yeah, i had been wearing the same pair of contacts for 4 months. guess what. my left eye is now super sensitive and it burns every time i blink. it feels as if my eyeball's swollen or some kind. the vision is extremely blurry compare to the other eye. wearing glasses doesn't help to improve the vision. weird isn't it? i think i might have hurted my cornea? is that the word? cornea? haha erm... the last time i took biology was 7 years ago. don't mind me. hehehehe

oh, i've been at work since 6am. guess what i've been doing? surfing the web.

it's wednesday! which means tomorrow's thursday and then friday my dear has no school and then saturday and ta-daaaaaaaaaaa SUNDAY!

okay, i guess it's time to stare at shoes now. they are on sale, plus free shipping. heheheheheh

i need to confess.

i am getting obsessed to jennifer aniston.

i like her so much i wonder why?

okay, im getting a new haircut soon. going to cut my hair like hers, dye my hair like hers. but nope i am not going blonde of course. i want brunette!! hehehe

sorry to somebody who likes blondies. *winks*

hehehe

i am entertaining myself here. i am crazy.

sometimes i like to test people's response without me realizing it. today, i did it to somebody. well yeah, just so you know, i used to be terribly afraid of birds. and she knew it. we are sharing one apartment, so that make us flatmates. whatever.

anyway back to my story. she bought herself two pet birds and she put them in the living room. at first she agreed that she had to keep them in her room coz of the fact that i am scared of birds and then slowly, she started to put that damn cage in the living room. so fine, i can live with that. then, she started to leave the cage door open 24/7. it made me cry a few times especially when the birds started to flap their wings.

today i told her that i wanna get a pet cat. she said NO CATS.

why is she being such a bitch to me? i fuckin hate her. doesn't she know that she is such as asshole?

you know, i keep telling myself not to be nice to her anymore. but, that's not really me. i don't know. this is hard. i am going to be a bitch to her from now onwards.

yeah, first thing i do is to get a cat.