sometimes i just feel like i can't live up to anybody's expectation.
it's tough. life is tough enough when you wake up thinking that boy i am fucked up. and yet you have to be all normal and shit when you are around people so that you don't disappoint them.
yeah, i know, people like me should die alone and not being attached to anything in this world. people like me deserve to be sad everyday because people like me only know how to find fault in things and never seem to appreciate life.
people like me wake up wonder why the hell did i wake up.
people like me always end up jumping off the roof, slitting wrist, drinking poison...
people like me are hopeless and bring nothing but shit to people around me.
i am nothing but a piece of crap and yes i know it. i don't need anyone to remind me every now and then that hey did you know that you are worthless??
so what i am sad? i am only human.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Monday, October 23, 2006
teehee!!
yesterday i managed to get dan to go to Demetrios with me to try on some wedding gowns. :P
i swear i did not know that its bad luck for the groom to see the wedding gown before the wedding!
anyway, we found the perfect gown for me after my FIRST try. well in fact, i had a gown in mind that we both like but according to the manager of the store "due to certain reason" they do not carry it in store. But, this gown is almost the same than the one we picked up, the same lacy kind, very vintage and gorgeous! me likey!
anyhow, i love i love i love the gown. but we are going to look around more and not to settle on this one yet, since its the first gown i have ever tried on.
bleh!
yesterday i managed to get dan to go to Demetrios with me to try on some wedding gowns. :P
i swear i did not know that its bad luck for the groom to see the wedding gown before the wedding!
anyway, we found the perfect gown for me after my FIRST try. well in fact, i had a gown in mind that we both like but according to the manager of the store "due to certain reason" they do not carry it in store. But, this gown is almost the same than the one we picked up, the same lacy kind, very vintage and gorgeous! me likey!
anyhow, i love i love i love the gown. but we are going to look around more and not to settle on this one yet, since its the first gown i have ever tried on.
bleh!
Friday, October 20, 2006
i get lonely sometimes. when i look around me, girls always have close girlfriends. i don't. i'm serious, it's either i am cursed to not have a close friend or the close friends are so far away from me it's like we don't even communicate yet they are always in my head, those kind of close friends.
i want a friend who i can hang out with, drink coffee with, chit chat with, shopping with. not a girl pal who hurts me, judges me, tries to find every single way to walk all over me. use me, take advantage of me. being mean to me and expects me to be nice to her. yeah i think maybe you know who i am talking about here.
it's sad that she seems to be the closest gal pal that i have around here. i mean the one that i used to go out with, shopping with, lived with for awhile. i don't want to have her in my life anymore. i took enough shit from her for all those years and now that i have no connection with her (don't live together anymore) i don't see why i should get involved into whatever she is up to.
am i not a good friend?
i dont think she treats me like a friend anyway.
i need a friend. a nice one. girl, of course, or gay men are always welcome. please find me one.
thank you.
i want a friend who i can hang out with, drink coffee with, chit chat with, shopping with. not a girl pal who hurts me, judges me, tries to find every single way to walk all over me. use me, take advantage of me. being mean to me and expects me to be nice to her. yeah i think maybe you know who i am talking about here.
it's sad that she seems to be the closest gal pal that i have around here. i mean the one that i used to go out with, shopping with, lived with for awhile. i don't want to have her in my life anymore. i took enough shit from her for all those years and now that i have no connection with her (don't live together anymore) i don't see why i should get involved into whatever she is up to.
am i not a good friend?
i dont think she treats me like a friend anyway.
i need a friend. a nice one. girl, of course, or gay men are always welcome. please find me one.
thank you.
i had the worst night last night.
see, dan is out of state for a week and usually he'd call me once he gets off work. but he didn't call yesterday and i waited for 3 hours and i started to get a bad feeling that something's not right.
well, being a bad fiance of me, i had no idea which hotel in california he's staying. or WHERE exactly he is in CA. I basically guessed my way and called every single hotels around.
i tried for 2 hours and none of the hotels has DD staying there. in tears, i prayed that dan would call me up very soon.
while i was talking to one of the hotels front desk, i saw an incoming call. it's him!! so i hanged up on the front desk person (hehehe dude, i am sorry) and talked to dan instead.
yeah i know, you must be saying that i was being super paranoid. but trust me, if it was you, you would do the same thing too!
see, dan is out of state for a week and usually he'd call me once he gets off work. but he didn't call yesterday and i waited for 3 hours and i started to get a bad feeling that something's not right.
well, being a bad fiance of me, i had no idea which hotel in california he's staying. or WHERE exactly he is in CA. I basically guessed my way and called every single hotels around.
i tried for 2 hours and none of the hotels has DD staying there. in tears, i prayed that dan would call me up very soon.
while i was talking to one of the hotels front desk, i saw an incoming call. it's him!! so i hanged up on the front desk person (hehehe dude, i am sorry) and talked to dan instead.
yeah i know, you must be saying that i was being super paranoid. but trust me, if it was you, you would do the same thing too!
Thursday, October 05, 2006
girls will always be girls. we like to compete with each other and see who's living a better life, with a greater husband, live in a nicer house, drives a poshier car, has a bigger ring so and so..
i am not talking to myself. although i do get sad sometimes wondering why other people seem to be happier than i am. other than that, i am fine of what is going on aroud me.
yet a friend of mine that i have been talking to. a girl, of course. she used to be a wonderful lady friend, a great listener and all. and ever since i got engaged and bought a better ring than she thought i would get (she suggested me to tell dan to get me some ring that was on sale at some chain store but we ended up buying a ring from boutique) anyway, ever since then, she's been asking me so many personal question like how much we are paying for houses, how much does the ring cost, how much do we make, stuff like that.
ever since i told her that we were getting a house (she and her husband rented an apartment together) she started to tell her husband that dan treats me nicer and she wanted a house too.
so now, they bought a house and she just wouldn't stop telling me how big the house is and how they are going to hire someone to design their window treatment for them blablabla. it just makes me wonder, what the heck is she trying to do?
sometimes i just wonder why people can't be happy for others? yet they have to go through so many ways to make them look so much better than others? i don't understand what do you get at the end? a trophy? a $1Billion check? or a big ass debt?
all i want is to have YOU to be happy for me. I hadn't been a happy person and now I finally am, and you know it, and all you want to do is to make me sad again. You pathetic loser.
How nice.
i am not talking to myself. although i do get sad sometimes wondering why other people seem to be happier than i am. other than that, i am fine of what is going on aroud me.
yet a friend of mine that i have been talking to. a girl, of course. she used to be a wonderful lady friend, a great listener and all. and ever since i got engaged and bought a better ring than she thought i would get (she suggested me to tell dan to get me some ring that was on sale at some chain store but we ended up buying a ring from boutique) anyway, ever since then, she's been asking me so many personal question like how much we are paying for houses, how much does the ring cost, how much do we make, stuff like that.
ever since i told her that we were getting a house (she and her husband rented an apartment together) she started to tell her husband that dan treats me nicer and she wanted a house too.
so now, they bought a house and she just wouldn't stop telling me how big the house is and how they are going to hire someone to design their window treatment for them blablabla. it just makes me wonder, what the heck is she trying to do?
sometimes i just wonder why people can't be happy for others? yet they have to go through so many ways to make them look so much better than others? i don't understand what do you get at the end? a trophy? a $1Billion check? or a big ass debt?
all i want is to have YOU to be happy for me. I hadn't been a happy person and now I finally am, and you know it, and all you want to do is to make me sad again. You pathetic loser.
How nice.
Monday, October 02, 2006
i HATE dealing with dishonest people.
the truth is, we are trying to buy a house and we are getting close to finalize the deal and now that we found out that the seller real estate agent lied to us at the very beginning. i am insulted. i feel that if i purchase this house from them, i am labeled as a retarded consumer and i DO NOT want to be one of those retarded consumers.
plus, this house isn't a cheap one. i know that it is not BRAND NEW yet, the thought of us being lied at by the real estate agent is making me fuming.
why do i have to settle down for this one like i don't have any other option to go for?
is this really a woooo laa laa deal?
i am still fucking pissed off. this house buyin thing is pissing me off.
the truth is, we are trying to buy a house and we are getting close to finalize the deal and now that we found out that the seller real estate agent lied to us at the very beginning. i am insulted. i feel that if i purchase this house from them, i am labeled as a retarded consumer and i DO NOT want to be one of those retarded consumers.
plus, this house isn't a cheap one. i know that it is not BRAND NEW yet, the thought of us being lied at by the real estate agent is making me fuming.
why do i have to settle down for this one like i don't have any other option to go for?
is this really a woooo laa laa deal?
i am still fucking pissed off. this house buyin thing is pissing me off.
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