i..... dreaming of a white..... christmas....... lalalalalala....

yeah, i can keep on dreaming. last week, two weeks ago, the weather was nice to us :
now it's like, hello, the beginning of fall? i guess there will be no white christmas this year. *sob sob*. it's so not fair that the sky gave us 10inches of snow just two years ago on the exact day i was flying back home. but now that i am here, i can never have a white christmas!!! I WANT SNOW YOU HEAR ME?

anyway, i am coming down to a cold or whatever it is that make me achy everywhere. i can barely swallow my own saliva now without hurting my right ear. i have tons of mucus in my system and it is making my throat itch. the pain on my left chest has now moved to my back. i constantly feel pressure on my left back like something heavy is attached to me. it sounds almost similar to what my mom had couple years ago before she said screw you guys i am going to heaven.

well don't worry, i am not going to say that yet. we shall wait. i am planning to see a doc when i finally get my health insurance. next year. probably in february before i go home?

so yeah, i am getting a lil sick over here and yeah, i think the housewarming party we are going to have this coming saturday 23rd Dec will still be on unless i am sick sick from tomorrow onwards.

i wonder if i should cook some malaysian food for the hungry ghosts or shall i get some ham and stuff from the store instead? i don't want to trouble myself to make much effort to cook really. i just feel so crappy. but then, it saves me money if i make my own food. i don't know, money? time? effort? health? guests? which one is important?

i don't like it when i am constantly being watched by somebody. i am 25 and i have responsibility. i may be cheap but i am far better than the rest of them. yet i am the only one who's getting those annoying mosquitoes flying around my ears, making those noises with their wings. pushing me.

yes, like i always say, life isn't fair.

i don't like the fact that i am starting to sink into this condition again. it's all about people around me. how they behave around me, how they try to manipulate me, make their day by injection huge amount of pain in me.

how i wish i am not sitting here. how i wish mosquitoes don't exist. or maybe mosquitoes shouldn't flap their wings on people like me. maybe they should open their eyes and see who the slacker is and who the hardworker is. can't you see how much i have done for you and why didn't you show appreciation yet now that things are slowing down a lil bit and what the fuck do you expect me to do??? i am not a human machine!!!!!

i am not trying to find a perfect place in this world for me to feel comfortable in. i just want a place where human race aren't that ugly to be with. i strongly believe there isn't such place on earth and it's sad.

i was requested to write something happy, something joyful, something christmasy. i know i am a whiny but if i keep this in my head, i don't know how long my life is going to be.

i don't know if it is me or what the heck has been going on. i feel like i have come to the point of my life where i start to have menopause. is it normal? things have been pretty abnormal lately. i just hope that i am not having some kind of sickness.

my left chest has been hurting pretty often nowadays. the pain is so intense i can barely breath. i start to cough a bit now and i am just so exhausted everyday no matter how many cups of coffee i drink.

i know i had been asking god to end my life. but you know what, now is not the time!! now that i have finally accept the meaning of life, i don't want to go away so soon.

i am scared to leave behind my loved ones. this is the first time in my life, i am actually concern about not leaving anybody behind. this is the first time i actually stop and think, hey if i am not here, they are going to be so sad.

i really hope that theres nothing wrong with me and i am just being paranoid as usual.

hello all. i know i have been abandonin this place but hey, i don't have internet access at home and it's just not so convenient to do this at work. oh well.

so yeah, the past weekend we had some friends over at our new home. have i mentioned that we moved into our new home? yeah, it's awesome :)

apart from that, let's talk about my health. i have been having problem with the brownie issue lately. i don't know why. probably coz of my food intake, you know, as the weather goes colder, we tend to eat more spicy food and everyday i have been having a blast in the bathroom. it is a big no no for my health but oh well, i shall indulge first and think about consequences later ;)

we are plannin to have a housewarming party on the 23rd this month. the annoying thing is that, when you invite someone to your house, the someone will always invite somebody else to your house like it's freakin their house you know?

if you can't tell already yes i am annoyed of the fact that i slave and slave for making the food and all you can do is to show me a lil respect, maybe ask me if i need help or maybe you can bring some food along. but no, you bring a mouth and another mouth and another mouth. what do you think my house is? a soup kitchen?