'If you want to know your future, look at how you are living today.' I should have killed myself when I had the chance.

Today I Bid Farewell..

To my father-in-law.

He passed away this morning 8:00am peacefully sitting in his chair with my mother-in-law holding his hand.

You'll be remembered forever.

Ouch!!

I finally had my first fall of the winter! It is not winter if I don't slip and fall! This time, it happened right when I got off work. Walked out the building with a big purse and a laptop bag on my shoulder, a cup of coffee in my left hand and two cookies and a car key in my right hand.

Then I slipped on the ice and fell.

Ha ha ha ha.... good thing I landed on my knees. I can't imagine me hurting my tail bone again!

Quickly I got up. Looked around, thank god there wasn't anyone. Grabbed all my stuff and made sure that the cookies were okay. ha ha ha ha

So I slowly glide to my car. I didn't dare to walk because it was like an iceskating rink!

Got to my car, my window pane was frozen. I couldn't open it and I really didn't want to force it. (my car windows don't come with a frame) So I used my barehands and nails to scrape those ice off.

Whew!

Oh I don't think I am going to wear heels tomorrow and I thank god for winter tires!

Happy Winter everybody!!! :)

Toby says hi! He's pouting. Maybe I should get him a cookie now. Such a poor baby.

Ahh.... I am done

Wrapping my Christmas presents!!  I just learned how to make a bow outta ribbon today so I went nuts on it.  I only wrapped 3 pressies....one for my dear, one for the mother-in-law, one for the brother-in-law.  Ya like 'em?? 

We are still waiting on the gift ordered for my father-in-law to arrive and I have yet shopped for Toby, so I guess I will wrap those this weekend.

Of course, with Toby's help.  He is such a poser....

Would you just look at the mess that he made??!  And guess what?  He tried to walk away instead of picking up after himself.  Tsk... Tsk....Tsk....

So Toby and I decided to place these gifts under the Christmas tree so that the tree doesn't look so lonely over there, all by itself.  Then I asked Toby if he could pose for a picture for me in front of the tree and pressies.  He had to think about for awhile.....

Then he said, "Wooo woooo wooo oooo"  (Read "Oh okay")

Sorry I am too lazy to sensor his wienie.  Let's just not stare at it okay?  Leave him some dignity will ya?

 

Have I mentioned that I am NOT crazy?

***************

Another unrelated story....

Toby came in from his potty trip.  Ate his cookie (a reward we give him usually as a "Thank You for Not Pooping & Peeing in the House"

He finished munching them on the carpet, got up and walked away.  Then for some reason I looked at his butt.  Oh boy.  A lil brownie was sticking outta of blackhole.  Holy Mother Of God.

I quickly ran to the kitchen and grabbed some paper towels with a dap of liquid detergent. 

"Toby, stay, stay..."

I went ahead and wipe that shit off.  And guess what?  It was stuck real well.  So I decided to just grab it and pull it outta the fur. 

Then......yes!  I managed to pulled that brownie piece out, together with some strands of hair (that, apparently, were my hair that he swallowed.  Mind you, it's the hair from my head).  So yeah. Stringy and disgusting.  But hey, he didn't complain.  In fact I think he liked it.  I wonder why....?

So yeah, what's for dinner?

Today we got our first snow of the season - half an inch haha!! And it took me close to 2 hours to arrive at work.

I miss you....

It's Sunday today and I had to go over to my in-laws for lunch. It is always dreadful for me to head over there. First of all, it is the company of the monster in law, second of all, the sight of my father-in-law being sick reminds me of my mom. Except that she was in a much worse state that he is in right now.

Today, I felt like shit. So I drank a whole bunch while eating that disgusting meatloaf that she made. The wine helped to cover up the stench and I also thought that it might help to elevate my mood.

I had about a total of 3 glasses. Please, it was a small glass. Don't fuss over it.

After several hours, we decided to take off.

So we walked away from the dining room, all of us except for my father-in-law (he's always insisted to not get help from anyone when he gets up of bed/chair/sofa, you get it. Then we heard BOOM.

He fell. Right on his butt and laid straight on the floor moaning. I think he hurted his head a lil too.

I felt worse. I was so sorry that he fell and I felt bad that how come I did not offer to help him get outta that chair?

Worst of all, it reminded me of my mom. My mom fell once too when she was sick. She was using the bathroom on the bed. Don't ask me to elaborate. I wasn't in the room with her, but my dad was helping her. Then I heard the same noise - BOOM, accompanied with loud scream, then crying voice my mom.

It was hard for me to take. Few minutes later, I saw my dad carried my crying mom in his arms, and helped her laying down on the sofa in the living room that she always laid on. It literally broke my heart. Till now, the image of that haunts me. I could actually SEE the pain that she suffered. I blamed myself for not staying in the room with her to help her with whatever that she needed. I know if I was there, maybe she wouldn't have fallen.

It was painful today. I then ran to bathroom because I couldn't hold my tears back any longer.

I hate Sunday. I hate seeing people suffering. I hate that my mom is no longer with me.

No one would understand how I feel right now. Maybe my brothers. But I really do not expect anyone to feel how I feel. And I don't blame you. You should be lucky that you don't feel the way I feel.

Love your family. Cherish them. You will never know what is going to happen tomorrow.

Fill your life with love. You don't want to end up like me.

I am in pain.