Assertiveness

Yesterday, I finally told a 50 year old guy at work to stop texting me and whatever he sent me were getting really disturbing.

 

I finally stood up for myself.  I finally said something that I wanted to say in my head that I've been burying them because I don't want to worry what would people think about me if i start saying things like hey stop i dont like it, hey go away. 

 

So i did.  And he apologized. All is well.

 

Then on the way home, a girl friend called and we chatted.  The conversation heated up (she was trying hard to explain to me what MY job is and what MY company is doing).  I didn't really pissed me off other than I really felt like I didn't have to waste my time on her.  So i said, you know, it's okay. I know what my job is and you don't have to explain to me.  Then she went on... no! you don't understand! blablabla

 

So i said.... you know, I don't really care.  I don't want to waste my time explaining what my job is and what my company does.  I'm surprised that you don't know what I am doing for living but it is okay because i am not losing anything. It's no big deal.  Then she said she gotta go and hang up the phone.

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To be frank, I have been trying hard to be her friend.  To make a connection between the two of us.  But frankly speaking, I don't think I can be around people like that.

 

So today I called her up and make sure that she not mad at me (although I know i DID NOT do anything wrong).  She ignored my calls and text msgs. 

 

So here i am, I'm 2 glasses away from finishing a bottle of chardonnay.

I know that I shouldn't feel bad that I spoke my mind and she just didn't like that.  But the thing is, I feel like shit because I know that something I said pissed someone off ...... even though I know that I did not say anything wrong.

 

Anyway, I am typing this half drunk. so don't mind me.  I just want to get this out of my heart.  I can't really say much here at home since I was told that I am just an unhappy person.

 

Gimme me break.  Let me talk here, will you?

Here comes the obsession..

Today, an old friend of mine who hasn't seen me for 2 years asked me if I have gained weight (after she saw a picture of mine).  She said that she hasn't seen me for awhile and it looks like my face is getting rounder and my body is still as skinny as usual.

 

She wrote all those down in an email which I read this morning.  So the very first thing I did was - skipped the antidepressant. (did you know that those pills do make you happy but they give you side effect such as weight loss/gain.  Worst still, weight loss but swelling in the face)

 

It's been bothering me so much.  Look at the clock now, it's 9:43pm, I am dead tired from work and yet I am sitting here googling away for ways to "remove facial fat", extreme workout, intense cardio.  And now my head is telling me, "Maybe you should just start starving yourself again.  It's easy, and it worked before!"

 

But starving myself means I am going to look like a lollipop.  Big face with lil frame.  Oh and not to mention, the poor 2 oz. of fat reside in front of my chest are gonna say goodbye to me.  (I know, 2 oz. may seem little to you people but hey, it means a hell lot of deal to me)

 

What should I do?   Don't tell me that I sounded so vain.  I knew that already.